The Strength to Endure

Sometimes it seems as though I will drown before it is all over. This semester has been so incredibly hard. I am learning so many lessons but they are being paid for with pain. To be sincerely honest, I am angry and scared and overwhelmed with joy all at once it seems.

Last night at about eight o'clock, I received a phone call from my mom. She told me that my grandfather had passed away. It was a very sudden death and apparently my dad was the one that discovered my grandfather's body. (breaking my heart twice because I love my father so much) In my fallen ways I immediately succumb to disbelief. How can one life be expected to deal with so much loss and anguish in but a few short months? It's selfish, but it's the truth of what I was feeling.

I didn't want to do anything but sleep forever and ever this morning, but after returning to my room I decided that a look at the Bible couldn't hurt. I did a little search for passages that might make sense of all the suffering and I opened my Bible up to Romans 8: 18 - 27. The passage is about the destiny of glory. "I consider that the sufferings of this present time are as nothing compared with the glory to be revealed for us."

I realize that the suffering that Christ endured for my sins are far and away greater than anything that I have been through, but this semester has beaten enough of me away that I still selfishly wonder why it is all happening to me. Why does it seem that I can do nothing to help my own circumstances? Why can I not protect my family from these hardships? Why do I feel so unfulfilled?

The answer was in the passage. It says that hope in itself is not enough if we are hoping for the things of this Earth. That's what I'm doing all of the time. My hopes are that nothing bad happens to my family. My hopes are that I find enough work to be able to pay for things. My hopes are that I stay healthy and uninjured. It is not to say that those things are not hopes that perhaps we should have as well...but our hope should first and foremost be in the Lord.

I realized, just this morning, that I am waiting for adoption. My suffering is preparing me for redemption. My suffering is preparing me for the day that my tears will no longer be hot tears of pain, they will be sobs of joyful relief. My Father will hold me and make all that hurts a beacon of His light. If I wait with the hope of the Lord in my heart instead of the hopes of this Earth, then I can endure all things. The "Spirit will come to the aid of my weakness."

PS..After reflecting, I also realized that this semester is the most I have ever had as far as credit load, but for some reason I left all of my general education stuff until now. God is so great. He knew that this semester was going to be a personal struggle, so He provided a path that might make my academic work feasible in a torrent of other things. Blessed be His name.

PPS...


Hang on, Hang on
I know your hopes seems gone
Hang on, Hang on
Sometimes the heartache makes you strong