God thinks I am just a sheep

God says we are sheep - and as much as I would like to translate that into RAMS, I think it actually goes deeper than that.

My favorite reflection last week was on John 10:1-21 but more specifically verses 1-6. It is the story of the good shepherd and something struck me. Jesus is saying the sheep know the voice of their master - He calls His own sheep by name and they follow Him. A stranger they will not follow... for they know not his voice.

I started thinking about that and praying over it. It is funny... I have heard that story so many times, but I have never paid attention to the part about how the sheep know the voice of their master. I have always focused in on how the shepherd lays down his life for his sheep. But as I prayed about hearing the masters voice, I was directed to a book I have been reading, "The Way of Divine Love."

In this book, Sister Josepha has agreed to be a victim for Christ and she is PHYSICALLY beaten by the devil. She is burned, punched, thrown in closets, and she can feel the crown of thorns. She is also lied to that what she is doing is worthless and that she should not suffer for souls. Satan tried everything, but she remained faithful to God. As the book says,

"The devil tried every possible means to delude and beguile her, disguising himself as an angel of light, even going so far as to assume the very features of Jesus Christ Himself. Most often, however, he tried to turn her from her chosen path by inflicting on her grievous bodily harm."

So my question here is the same as my question to myself as I read John 10, how can I recognize the voice of my master... the voice of God? How did Sister Josepha know satan was lying and that it wasn't truly Jesus? How can I only have ears from my master's voice?

My next question is this - why would a shepherd lay down his life for a bunch of sheep?!?! They are so unworthy and cannot possibly understand the value of a human life. They are stupid animals who only sleep, eat and roam - they have no understanding of the sacrifice made when the master gives his life for them.

Furthermore, that verse says "I came that you might have life and have it abundantly." How abundant can the life of a sheep really be? Eating, sleeping, roaming, making noises here and there - some abundant life! Imagine what life would be like for a sheep if it wasn't abundant...

But this is us! We are unworthy, stupid, small, unable to repay our master or properly thank Him. Our lives are nothing compared to our Lord and to life in HEAVEN! We are probably even more unworthy than the sheep in this story because God is infinitely greater than the master - a mere human.

Because He loves us as His own, he lays down His life and protects the gate.

"I am the good shepherd. the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep."

He was not hired by the Father - it was not requested of Jesus, He chose it because we are His!

"I am the good shepherd. I now my own and my own know me." John 10:14

How great heaven must be if our lives here on earth are likened to that of a sheep!

Coming and Going

Whew! What a wild week! I hope that all of you had a fantastic break and Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving!

I got to spend some wonderful time with my family at my grandma's house. 15+ people in a house that is less than 1000 square feet. AWESOME!! My family was so funny and they have a power to restore me like no other. My brother was married on Saturday too! I will talk more about that in person perhaps...but I don't think that I have been so truly myself in years!

Anyway, I can't wait to see you girls tonight, but for this morning....I read 1 Timothy 6: 1 - 10. The part that was most effective for me was "For we brought nothing into the world, just as we shall not be able to take anything out of it." A lovely little side note to my self-conscious personality that I have housed for almost two years now is that I feel like everyone's got it all together. Their cars will take them wherever they want, their clothes are always cute, they don't have to worry about family finances, they never worry about being able to pay for dinners that they are invited to....on an on the list goes. I don't struggle with these things all of the time, but when I do, it just makes me nuts! Money and stuff is seriously the bane of my existence. It annoys me to no end how commercial our lives have become and how market driven my own happiness can be. LAME!

This passage was great! I don't know about you girls but I need reminding all the time that I should be day dreaming about Heaven (which I often do, but not enough) instead of that really wonderful outfit I envision. What will I look like to Christ when I get to Heaven? (instead of what will I look like to that really cute boy) What an important question! I can take nothing of this world with me to Heaven except my body and my track record. When the Lord whips out that filing cabinet that says, "My Daughter, Sam" what is He going to say about it?

Woah.

I hope that it makes Him mostly proud, instead of having to forgive all of its contents (although there will be a considerable amount of that too, I'm sure) I hope that the section He might label "Worries on My Behalf" is fuller than "Worries about Appearance."

I get so impatient with my appearance and success sometimes. Time for a breather. :)

St. Cecilia <3

alright first of all, praise God that we made it (almost) to break. i dont know about you girls, but i wasn't sure i'd ever get here alive and sane. I'm SO grateful :)

so i've been doing some research on my patron Saint (cecilia) because her feast is coming up on November 22!!! and she's had my back lately. i just want to share some stuff about her because the more i learn, the more awesome she turns out to be.

i really only chose her because she's the patron saint of music and music is HUGE in my faith life. but it turns out her story is crazy awesome. so she converted her husband to Catholicism along with hundreds of other people by her preaching. Her husband was eventually martyred for burying the faithful killed by some guy but Cecilia continued preaching and converting people.

eventually she was arrested and sentenced to death. they put her into a bath house and cranked up the fires to try to suffocate her, but she didn't even break a sweat. fail number one. then they tried to behead her, and they stabbed her three times, but she wouldn't die. fail number two.

she survived three days in this bathhouse, bleeding and weak and in terrible pain, before she succumbed to death. THREE DAYS.

thats just proof you guys..God is strong enough to get us through ANYTHING. He can make us capable of the impossible if we just trust Him..i LOVE it.

i just love her more and more...she was an amazing witness to the faith, spreading it everyone she met. as i try to be. she is the patron saint of music, which is the first and still one of the most real ways i can feel God's presence in me. she is strong, which is something i need to ask her to help me out with, but something i strive for. and she didn't give up, to the very end. which is something i think we can all take notes from.

go St. Cecilia :)


ps, if you guys have time, i'd love to learn a little about your patrons/Confirmation saints too!!

Amazing Grace

Top of the Mornin' To Ye! First, I should probably apologize for disappearing off the face of the planet this past week. This weekend was really tough and I know that the next couple of weeks ahead of me are not going to be much easier. Today, especially, was difficult. I will just be plain about all of this...I have felt lower than I ever thought was possible this semester. It's hard to go to sleep at night and hard to get up in the morning. My spirit is not restful a lot of days and my heart is bleeding...but it's a little more open that way. ; )

I went to my first class this morning and we watched a movie that completely made fun of Christians and Christ. On the way to my second class (instead of the nice free cup of hot chocolate that I usually snag near the UMC) people were handing out Charles Darwin's Origin of Species and saying "Lives are Changed with Information." And when I arrived at my second class we talked about how Frederick Nietzsche had apparently found a morality that predates "Judeo Christian Morals." As if it were elementary to believe that morals were given to us by God. With all of this happening, I then realized that I am also required for RA purposes to attend a presentation called the Tunnel of Oppression.

The Enemy was picking on me today.


I said a few Hail Mary's as I saw people picking up the Darwin books, but I was feeling spiritually low this morning. I get back to my room, intent on cleaning it...maybe taking a nap...maybe doing homework. BUT, I check my e-mail first just on the off chance that something came in in the few short hours I was at class and I get an e-mail from my mom with this video attached. I got the goosebumps.

The video speaks for itself and I love this song so much. Please enjoy it and know that the Lord is with us always.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMVxzEueJ6A

God's Armor

This morning I woke up to a nasty e-mail from a guy I know. It was not nice to read first thing in the morning, or again later today, unlike Chelsea's beautiful prayer from her sister last week. I met this guy, we shall call him Hank, while volunteering...he's always been nice, a bit straight-forward, but a genuinely good guy. He had Facebook friended me and asked me how I was doing/if I was still in Boulder. I gave him some brief details, and he responds again asking where I am going. But I never responded. I didn't feel like divulging my life to him, as I don't really know him THAT well. But this morning, I checked my facebook (yay I'm aloud back on!) and he had sent me another message. It's probably been a month or so since I didn't respond. And in short, this is what Hank told me - "I ask how you are, and all I get is 'pics of your spoiled white friends. F you, you typical racist CU Bitch.'" Well, that's just dandy. Am I racist? NO! But way to call my friends, and all of the CU campus spoiled and white. He got me upset this morning, not only because he offended me and hurt my feelings for not responding to him, but also because my friends (and I'm pretty sure most of the pictures on facebook are of you girls) are NOT spoiled white b****es. Far from it. And I hope I am too. The whole day his e-mail was on my mind. What did I do to deserve that title? Whatever. Just blow it off Megan. But Tuesdays are typically a good day for me, and this one is no exception, except for that rant in the morning (and another, less harsh one in the afternoon). On Tuesdays I get the beautiful privilege of going to adoration for an hour in front of the Blessed Eucharist. Today I brought my Bible with me, and I had started reading Ephesians last week, so I thought I would pick up today where I left off. Sam is probably going to call me a spaghetti head for this post, because I'm pretty sure it is/is going to be all over the place, but bear with me, because that is just how my mind works. A hundred million thoughts come into my head, and they stay there! I picked up reading Ephesians 5 and I loved verses 4-10 - "Let there be no filthiness, nor silly talk, nor levity, which are not fitting; but instead let there be thanksgiving...Let no one deceive you with empty words, for it is because of these things that the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not associate with them, for once you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children of light...and try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord." The first thought that comes to mind is "ooo, Thanksgiving. Give thanks to God (because I love Turkey)!" But then more serious thinking came with the second part. "Let no one deceive [me] with empty words. How empty were those words I had read this morning. And man did they ring in my head! But how good is God - he has brought me into the Light and I know that with him and his example, I can learn from those words and instead of dwelling on them or talking smack about this guy, I can pray for him and pray for me, that I might have the strength to not gossip and make God proud of me. I continued reading in Ephesians and chapter 6 is wicked awesome too, and I bet most of you ladies have heard these verses before. "Therefore take the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having fastened the belt of truth around your waist, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having sod your feet with the equipment of the gospel of peace; besides all these, taking the shield of faith, with which you can quench all the flaming darts of the Evil One. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." That was Ephesians 6:13-17. Did I wake up this morning and put of the armor of God? I don't think so. Instead of taking these words up to God this morning in prayer after I read them, I merely pouted on them and complained to my friend. Today, I was wearing one of my favorite sweaters, and I love wearing my boots and scarf, so it was pretty much a favorite outfit of mine, but instead of caring so much about this outfit, I should have also put on my outfit of God this morning - dressed myself from head to tippy-toe in God's armor, to take on the battles of every day life. To take on the harsh words that people throw at you. The empty words. Because I bet if I had my battle gear on, ready to fight for God, those words would have bounced right back off my shied, but instead, I let them pierce my heart. Tomorrow morning, the first thing that I'm going to put on is my armory. God's armory. And I suggest that you all do the same, because it's not always a nice world out there, and y'all are nice girls. Or maybe, now that I have my helmet and boots and belt on, maybe I'll just sleep with them...I'll bet they're pretty comfortable!

let Him be enough

alright well i think i'll do a week's reflection real quick just to update you guys.

to put this week into two words, i would use the phrase absolutely brutal.

so a few weeks ago, I had this huge realization that I needed to work towards giving my education and future to God. I needed to let Him have it, and do all the work for Him and offer up the stress for Him. I thought for sure doing that would make my classes easier. Like He could help guide me in my studying if I offered it up to Him, if I carried that cross in order to follow His will and to get where He wants me to be.

well, then a round of tests happened. and it was probably my worst one yet.

its not that i'm failing my classes ( at least not most of them....) ..its just that i'm not living up to my expectations. since middle school, i have always put my self worth into my grades. my sister was always the pretty one, the one with tons of friends and boyfriends who was good at sports and everybody loved. and i was the good girl, the excellent student. so i learned that as long as my grades stayed perfect, my worth was intact.

so now i offered it up to God, and He's saying "no no chelsea, i'm taking that away. Say goodbye to your high gpa, being at the top of every curve, being the one people ask for help on homework. thats not what makes a life worthwhile. I'm taking that away so all you have is Me."

I've spent a good portion of my prayer this week just asking Him What the heck?? i've been asking all kinds of questions about why I can't do well even though i'm pouring my whole life into school and God right now...why, if this is what He wants me to do, i feel like i'm constantly falling behind and not making Him proud of His daughter.

going back to Gina's post...without Him we are nothing. we can never hope to be anything, regardless of whether our intentions are good or not, if we aren't putting Him as our first priority, and if we aren't making our relationship with Him the definition of our self worth.

when i take a test that i thought went terribly, i feel like my world is ending. i know that sounds melodramatic...but academics have become so much a part of who i am that its hard to separate my life from my grades sometimes.

but prayer has brought me some peace. i wouldn't say i'm anywhere near all the way there, but at least i have a little perspective. a bad test, a bad semester...thats not the end of the world.

the end of the world is missing an opportunity to fall in love.

the end of the world is seeing your brother or sister in Christ in need, and not helping them.

the end of the world is turning your back on God.

the end of the world is telling God that you don't need Him...that something else is more important than Him, and getting angry with Him when He doesn't give you that thing you think you need so badly.

and that's what i did. I've been putting my grades before God my whole life. and now, finally, i'm starting to see that the dean's list is not the list of people whose lives are worthwhile. not even close. God has that list, and it has everybody's name on it. how fantastic.

here's a song that came on my ipod while i was walking to campus from Rosary this morning... i found it pretty pertinent.

I wish I had what I need
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

it's my new spiritual goal to make God enough. I want Him to be my number one, the one who can get me through class struggles, and stress, and loneliness, and hopelessness. His love is always enough.

bruisin' the ego

You know, humility seems like a great idea until you figure out what it really means. It sounds easy and logical... then it is time to actually take steps toward the virtue of humility and it hurts!!! It hurts your ego! I don't know about you, but my ego is pretty darn sensitive.

Lately, God has been trying to show me what it means to be "poor in spirit." I cannot tell you how many times that message has pierced my ears in the last week.

Mt 5:3
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Fr. Kevin addressed this at mass a few days ago when he talked about how we are nothing apart from God... something we have all heard 101 times, right? He talked about how we own nothing in this world except our sin... therefore, we can produce nothing good without the grace and love of God. If our sin is the only thing we actually own, we have NOTHING. We are in a state of perpetual poverty and must therefore look to Him to fill our hearts with faith, love, joy, etc. So if I am nothing, and all the good that comes through me is of God, then when do I get the glory? Never. Boooooo!

That is why the ego hurts. It really should never be praised... otherwise I would be praising myself for my sin which is absolutely absurd.

Well, the week goes on and it just so happens that I have finished 2 of the 5 books I am reading. Phew! Finally I am making progress! But, that just means I can pick up one more since my list of reading is infinite, it feels. I have been loaning out this book called "The Way of Divine Love" for over a year, so I figured it is time to get on the ball and read that puppy. If Fr. Kevin's homily bruised my ego, this book shattered it.

I am only getting started, so I don't know much, but from what I can gather, the book is about Sister Josefa Menendez and those people who influenced her spiritual growth. Allow me to share this paragraph with you from her book:

"He did not choose the learned and the great in the world's eyes to found His Church, St. Paul expressly tells us, otherwise the rapid spread of Christianity could have been attributed to their talents and presige... but He chose the poor and the ignorant..." ( ahem... so what does that say about me? A lowly missionary? Am I poor and ignorant?!?! Don't answer that).
Continuing...
"And the greatness of their mission might not dazzle them and lead to vainglory, He again and again reminded them of their nothingness, their innate misery and their weakness. His gifts are only secure when bestowed on the truly humble of heart. His Providence has always worked in this way, His glory is manifest in man's nothingness. 'If I had been able to find a creature more miserable than you' He said to St. Margaret Mary, 'I should have chosen her...' And sister Josefa repeatedly heard the same declaration: 'If I could have found a more wretched creature, I should have chosen her for my special love, and through her revealed the longings of My Heart. But I have not found one, and so I have chosen you.'"

Ok. Time out. What?!? I read this and my jaw dropped. I thought God was good? Why would he call her miserable?

But then I thought about it and you know what, He is good! He chose the poorest of the poor, the lowliest of the lowly to raise up and to allow His glory to shine through. His glory was only able to shine because of their poverty - there was nothing to get in the way. They may be miserable by the world's standards, but by divine standards they are now rich with the love of God. There is that joy that Megan talked about with St. Francis.

He does not choose us because of our greatness, He chooses us because of our poverty. He wants us to be full of His love, but we must first get out of His way. When we realize we are nothing... "you are dust and to dust you shall return" (Gen 3:19)... then the real work begins. So next time you are in a situation that will require you to humble yourself and risk rejection, remember to get out of the way and invite God into your heart. If there is a friend you are afraid to talk to about God, pray that you may see the open door and have the courage to walk through it. All we own is our sin. All our goodness is simply God present in our hearts. Get out there and share it! May we all take one more step toward poverty and humility.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

See you at the finish line!

The Strength to Endure

Sometimes it seems as though I will drown before it is all over. This semester has been so incredibly hard. I am learning so many lessons but they are being paid for with pain. To be sincerely honest, I am angry and scared and overwhelmed with joy all at once it seems.

Last night at about eight o'clock, I received a phone call from my mom. She told me that my grandfather had passed away. It was a very sudden death and apparently my dad was the one that discovered my grandfather's body. (breaking my heart twice because I love my father so much) In my fallen ways I immediately succumb to disbelief. How can one life be expected to deal with so much loss and anguish in but a few short months? It's selfish, but it's the truth of what I was feeling.

I didn't want to do anything but sleep forever and ever this morning, but after returning to my room I decided that a look at the Bible couldn't hurt. I did a little search for passages that might make sense of all the suffering and I opened my Bible up to Romans 8: 18 - 27. The passage is about the destiny of glory. "I consider that the sufferings of this present time are as nothing compared with the glory to be revealed for us."

I realize that the suffering that Christ endured for my sins are far and away greater than anything that I have been through, but this semester has beaten enough of me away that I still selfishly wonder why it is all happening to me. Why does it seem that I can do nothing to help my own circumstances? Why can I not protect my family from these hardships? Why do I feel so unfulfilled?

The answer was in the passage. It says that hope in itself is not enough if we are hoping for the things of this Earth. That's what I'm doing all of the time. My hopes are that nothing bad happens to my family. My hopes are that I find enough work to be able to pay for things. My hopes are that I stay healthy and uninjured. It is not to say that those things are not hopes that perhaps we should have as well...but our hope should first and foremost be in the Lord.

I realized, just this morning, that I am waiting for adoption. My suffering is preparing me for redemption. My suffering is preparing me for the day that my tears will no longer be hot tears of pain, they will be sobs of joyful relief. My Father will hold me and make all that hurts a beacon of His light. If I wait with the hope of the Lord in my heart instead of the hopes of this Earth, then I can endure all things. The "Spirit will come to the aid of my weakness."

PS..After reflecting, I also realized that this semester is the most I have ever had as far as credit load, but for some reason I left all of my general education stuff until now. God is so great. He knew that this semester was going to be a personal struggle, so He provided a path that might make my academic work feasible in a torrent of other things. Blessed be His name.

PPS...


Hang on, Hang on
I know your hopes seems gone
Hang on, Hang on
Sometimes the heartache makes you strong

Perfect joy

Yesterday, I was sitting at my computer, all ready to post on this blog, when I suddenly couldn't figure it out. I mean, really, it's not that hard to make an account (which I already had) and then post. But I got frustrated because I couldn't sign into this one. I tried everything - changing my settings, opening this page and following it, but nada. Well, today, Miss Sam came over and I thought since she set it up, surely she could help me. She's a genius, I must say... =D

So anyways, I'm really glad this whole thing was started, because not having facebook is a lot harder than it sounds. I now rely on this blog for my entertainment and open it every time I'm on my computer (which is a lot) to see if anyone has posted anything. Maybe I should wean myself off of my computer, but at least this is a much more productive way to spend my time rather than flipping through photos on facebook.

A couple weeks ago at Bible study we talked about suffering, and I remembered that St. Francis had said some pretty cool stuff, so this is a little late, and not inspired by today, but I think that's okay, because he is pretty cool!
I'll set the scene for you - St. Francis is talking to one of his Brothers, Brother Leo, about perfect joy and he is saying that even if all of his friars had gone out to the world and converted every last man, even that would not be perfect joy. WHAT! Even if every person is Catholic, that is not perfectly joyful? St. Francis has me, and Brother Leo, thrown off. He continues with this example - suppose that the two of them (Francis and Leo) arrive at a friary "soaked by the rain and frozen by the cold, all soiled with mud and suffering from hunger" and they are driven away with "curses and hard blows." Francis said, "...and if we bear it patiently and take the insults with joy and love in our hearts...that is perfect joy! Above all the graces and gifts of the Holy Spirit which Christ gives to his friends is that of conquering oneself and willingly enduring sufferings, insults, humiliations, and hardships for the love of Christ."
How crazy is that? We are supposed to put up with our suffering because we love Jesus? Yes! And in the end, I'm pretty sure he'll help us get through it. But if we sit there complaining and moping, how much more miserable do we make ourselves feel?
After reading that, I feel like - "okay, God, I'm really embarrassed right now, but it's okay, becuase I am doing it for you." To me, it seems like a small way to pay him back for suffering for all of us so much more than any suffering or pain or humilition I'll ever have to go through. So let's praise God for willingly putting up with annoying people, rude comments, embarrassing moments, and remember that He is smiling down on us!

love love love

first of all, props on the marvelous blog Sam..i approve :)

i've got some pages marked in my Bible so i can find all my faves..today i decided to open to those pages and read the verses around the ones i have marked. that doesn't sound like the greatest of plans but it led me to this prayer...

Ephesians 3:14-21: For this reason i kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever!

i think this is a fantastic prayer for the people we love, and I pray it for you guys. What greater thing could we ask for than for the people we love to know the purest, most real love that exists or has ever existed: the love of God. i mean, yeah its all good and wonderful to love on them ourselves, but we're far from perfect. Even better then, I think, is to ask for God's love to become apparant to them. that they might know how all-encompassing, how gigantic, how neverending that love is.

i pray that you women are filled with His love. I pray that His spirit strengthens you, whatever you might be struggling with. that He can help you understand 'how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.' because if we could really wrap our heads around that, if we really knew how much He loved us...we'd never need anything else. We wouldn't need approval or acceptance...we would yearn for nothing. Because if we could just understand, we'd realize He's standing right here, offering us everything.

Conquering the world!!

So, the picture...just in case you were curious the sunrise was beautiful this morning as usual. I just thought I'd share that with you. :)

Today (I only hit "snooze" twice) I woke up early enough and whipped out the Word to 1 John 5: 1 - 12. As my sleepy stupor wore off I realized that this passage was absolutely made for this time in our lives. Especially for me the part of the verse that says, "And his commandments are not burdensome, for whoever is begotten by God conquers the world" was incredible.

I have realized more and more that I am afraid of giving everything I have to diving in the Word...I'm afraid of saying things about Christ to other people...I'm afraid, sometimes, of what being faithful implies. Especially in my prayer life, I find myself saying, "You mean, I can't just be left alone?" or "I have to spend all day thinking about how I'm loving other people?" The passage today, though, says straight from His mouth that His commandments to love are not burdensome. His commandments to be chaste are not burdensome. His commandments to watch our tongues are not burdensome. Too often, I think of His wishes for me as a nagging almost. What silliness! Though it takes discipline at first to be chaste or not to indulge or to watch what I'm saying...in the end I feel so great! How often I forget the feeling of laying myself to sleep after a particularly prayerful or conscientious day.

I left the Bible on my couch with a thought for the day....that I may love as He loves me and be set free in all those possibilities. :) The world burdens me, not Christ.

Jealous for us

Today I read through Exodus 20. I am going through the Old Testament (OT) for my spiritual reading right now. Not exactly optimal for meditating on during prayer, but the Holy Spirit is a "stealthy" guy and has His ways to each of our hearts. My eyes fell upon Ex 20:4-5 and stayed there. It is in the midst of the 10 commandments - very strange meditation, I know. But here it is:

"You shall not make for yourself a graven image or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them or serve them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God."

As I thought about this, I was filled with joy! Our Father in heaven is jealous for me... and for each of you! You know the feeling, when you are in a relationship and your bf is paying more attention to video games, school, friends, sports, etc. and you are jealous of the time and attention he is paying to everything except YOU. That is how God feels for us every moment of every day. See me, love me, receive me... you are woman, I made you to receive and to be an example of how to fill up with with my love. Notice me... spend time with ME! I LOVE YOU, my daughter.

So I began to list the things that God would be jealous of - the things that steal my attention, distract me or turn my glance from Him. The biggest one being relationships... esp. with men. Ugh. Will that ever go away?!?! Why do I value other men (mortal and fallen) and their opinion of me more than my Father's opinion of me? He is the one who can make overflow with joy, love, value, worth, etc. God is trying in every way possible to get my attention and to love me, but I don't always turn my attention to HIm - He who satisfies our hungry hearts. Instead I settle for the cheap, quick fix that is shiny on the outside but hallow on the inside.

But unlike us, He is not selfish - He is LOVE - always giving of Himself. It is difficult to understand or wrap my mind around it, but He is thinking of me... and each of HIs children... at every moment of every day. We need not be jealous because His love is more than enough - if only we would RECEIVE IT!!!!!

Here is a perfect song for how our God is jealous for us

Ahem...

I just thought that I would post a little ditty on here to get the ball rolling. I have recently had to scrap all of my carefully calculated marathon training schedules due to a knee injury. However, on each of them I was careful to choose a piece of scripture and ironically, November's shout out from the Lord goes a little something like this, "But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint." Isaiah 40:31. Not only does this happen to be my favorite Bible verse, but it is so true to my life right now. I am so often lost in a sea of worries and making MY plans work. I want to soar , I want to run and go crazy and feel no limits. This verse actually helps me to day dream a little bit about heaven. It's going to be so amazing! No limits to how fast you can run, no limits to how high you can climb...truly our bodies will be perfected in all of our hearts desire for adventure! Now, the lesson for me today, if I want to experience even a smidge of that on this Earth, I need to lay these burdens down. Stop calculating my training schedule and start calculating my preparation for eternity with Christ. The best training schedules in the world are centered around ultimate goals and the goal of His glory cannot be surpassed by any other! WOOT!