bruisin' the ego

You know, humility seems like a great idea until you figure out what it really means. It sounds easy and logical... then it is time to actually take steps toward the virtue of humility and it hurts!!! It hurts your ego! I don't know about you, but my ego is pretty darn sensitive.

Lately, God has been trying to show me what it means to be "poor in spirit." I cannot tell you how many times that message has pierced my ears in the last week.

Mt 5:3
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Fr. Kevin addressed this at mass a few days ago when he talked about how we are nothing apart from God... something we have all heard 101 times, right? He talked about how we own nothing in this world except our sin... therefore, we can produce nothing good without the grace and love of God. If our sin is the only thing we actually own, we have NOTHING. We are in a state of perpetual poverty and must therefore look to Him to fill our hearts with faith, love, joy, etc. So if I am nothing, and all the good that comes through me is of God, then when do I get the glory? Never. Boooooo!

That is why the ego hurts. It really should never be praised... otherwise I would be praising myself for my sin which is absolutely absurd.

Well, the week goes on and it just so happens that I have finished 2 of the 5 books I am reading. Phew! Finally I am making progress! But, that just means I can pick up one more since my list of reading is infinite, it feels. I have been loaning out this book called "The Way of Divine Love" for over a year, so I figured it is time to get on the ball and read that puppy. If Fr. Kevin's homily bruised my ego, this book shattered it.

I am only getting started, so I don't know much, but from what I can gather, the book is about Sister Josefa Menendez and those people who influenced her spiritual growth. Allow me to share this paragraph with you from her book:

"He did not choose the learned and the great in the world's eyes to found His Church, St. Paul expressly tells us, otherwise the rapid spread of Christianity could have been attributed to their talents and presige... but He chose the poor and the ignorant..." ( ahem... so what does that say about me? A lowly missionary? Am I poor and ignorant?!?! Don't answer that).
Continuing...
"And the greatness of their mission might not dazzle them and lead to vainglory, He again and again reminded them of their nothingness, their innate misery and their weakness. His gifts are only secure when bestowed on the truly humble of heart. His Providence has always worked in this way, His glory is manifest in man's nothingness. 'If I had been able to find a creature more miserable than you' He said to St. Margaret Mary, 'I should have chosen her...' And sister Josefa repeatedly heard the same declaration: 'If I could have found a more wretched creature, I should have chosen her for my special love, and through her revealed the longings of My Heart. But I have not found one, and so I have chosen you.'"

Ok. Time out. What?!? I read this and my jaw dropped. I thought God was good? Why would he call her miserable?

But then I thought about it and you know what, He is good! He chose the poorest of the poor, the lowliest of the lowly to raise up and to allow His glory to shine through. His glory was only able to shine because of their poverty - there was nothing to get in the way. They may be miserable by the world's standards, but by divine standards they are now rich with the love of God. There is that joy that Megan talked about with St. Francis.

He does not choose us because of our greatness, He chooses us because of our poverty. He wants us to be full of His love, but we must first get out of His way. When we realize we are nothing... "you are dust and to dust you shall return" (Gen 3:19)... then the real work begins. So next time you are in a situation that will require you to humble yourself and risk rejection, remember to get out of the way and invite God into your heart. If there is a friend you are afraid to talk to about God, pray that you may see the open door and have the courage to walk through it. All we own is our sin. All our goodness is simply God present in our hearts. Get out there and share it! May we all take one more step toward poverty and humility.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

See you at the finish line!